Colds are a B*tch, Pass the Nyquil.

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Yes, yes…I’m still here (barely). Unfortunately, Miss Memos has been suffering an awful cold/sinus infection for the past five days and has now apparently resorted to speaking in the third person. Miss Memos also currently has a Kleenex box wrapped around her neck with a shoelace – so what?

Two words about colds: they suck. Truly, is there anything worse than lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, willing one of your nostrils to clear so you don’t have to breathe through your mouth anymore? Then, inevitably, your throat starts to hurt. Of course your nose gets sore from using those damn, rougher-than-sandpaper Kleenex so much. You obviously lose all sense of taste and smell and the thought of eating chicken noodle soup one more night welcomes your gag reflex. Predictably, you get that awful head-rush feeling when you stand up. Basically, you’re sick enough to feel like s*@t, but not sick enough to stop performing your usual daily duties…like, ohhh…I don’t know, working.

And then the worst thing possible happens. A chirpy coworker comes up to you and says, “Wow, you look awful! Are you sick?”

And you say, “Yeah, I have a cold.”

And they say, “Oh, just a cold?”

And you say, “Yeah, just a cold. But if feels like the flu.”

And then they say, “Well, do you have a fever?”

And then you say, “No, I don’t…but I feel really sick.”

And then they say, “Oh, that’s not too bad, then!”

And then you get really pissed off and sulk off to the bathroom to take more Nyquil, even though it’s only 3 PM on a Tuesday. Mwahahaha – that’ll show HER!

So here’s the deal…if I can breathe through at least one nostril tomorrow, I’ll be back to my regular posting schedule. If not, please send your thoughts and prayers my way, as well as any Vick’s VapoRub contributions.

I’m off to find the nearest Native American sweatlodge.

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