Au Revoir, Paris

Sacre bleu! According to Gawker, the Associated Press has decided to put the kebosh on any upcoming Paris Hilton stories for a week. The entertainment editor of the AP allegedly wrote in an email to his colleagues, “Barring any major, major news, we are not going to put a single word about Paris on the wire.”

Merci, AP. Merci. I never thought I’d say it, but I’ve had enough of Paris.

Shhhhhh….put on your earmuffs, AP.  I just heard word that Paris got arrested again last night for driving with a suspended license. But don’t worry about it, AP. Pretend I never told you. And really it doesn’t matter, because Reuters is all over it.

UPDATE TWENTY MINUTES LATER: Looks like the AP caved and published the news of Paris’s run-in with law after all. Me thinks somebody over there was crossing their fingers behind their back when they made that promise. Am I right? Hmmm?

Why I Hate Sucktastic People and How You Can Spot Them

Is there something in the air these days? I don’t know what’s going on, but people seem to have a propensity to suck this week. Therefore, today’s Tuesday’s Tirade is dedicated to all the sucktastic people I’ve had the displeasure of dealing with recently.

Disclaimer: I by no means deny being completely sucktastic at certain points in my life…namely, in my early teen years. And for that – Mom, Dad, Bro – I’m truly sorry. If it’s any consolation, during my sucktastic years, I was walking around with hair like this:

And so I give you…Why I Hate Sucktastic People and How You Can Spot Them:

• Sucktastic people don’t say “God bless you” when you sneeze, even when you are always saying it to them.
• Sucktastic people think they know everything there is to know about you, without having a clue of who you really are and where you’ve come from.
• Sucktastic people don’t tip. (Ahem…Paris and Britney, I’m talking to YOU.)
• Sucktastic people (and by people, I mean bartenders) give you attitude when you order fruity drinks at the bar. Ummm, if a girl wants a Zima, give the woman a damn Zima! Or a Blueberry Press…my new fav.
• Sucktastic people cut you off when you’re waiting for the treadmill at the gym, then program a two hour-long session on said machine.
• Sucktastic people root for Team Jolie (haha – just jokin’. No I’m not. Yes I am.)
• Sucktastic people pretend they’re better than you when we all know it’s just because their jealous.
• Sucktastic people don’t rewind VHS videos after renting them. (Okay, I know this a shout out to the early ’90s, but didn’t that truly suck when you rented a video and you had to rewind it before you could even watch it???)
• Sucktastic people blame you for hating their job.
• Sucktastic people know they suck, they’re just too afraid to admit it.

And with all that sucktastic venting out of the way, I’m off to bed. Here’s hoping to dreams filled with bunnies, rainbows, and chubby cupids in anticipation of Valentine’s Day tomorrow.

PS – If you are a daily reader of this blog, you are (obviously) the complete opposite of sucktastic. And if I’m missing anything that you think is truly sucktastic, feel free to leave a comment below…