Why I Love Beachy Vacays (And Shiny Objects)

I’ve returned from the land of crystal blue waters and Mai Tais and am ready to blog away. Tuesday = Loathe/List day, so here it is…my second installment of what I will now be calling the Tuesday Tirade. And the focus of today’s topic is (drum roll please) why I love beachy vacations…obvi.

1) The anticipation of going on vacation takes the cake. C’mon…how excited do you get when the time comes to buy travel size products at Target??? You know what I’m talking about…the ten Q-Tips in a cute little plastic case, the adorably petite toothpaste tubes, the miniature advil bottles that look like Rolos. That’s the BEST!

2) On your way to vacay, you get to wait at the one cool airport gate advertising an exotic destination like Hawaii – and people get jealous. Next time you’re in this particular situation, take a look around.. all the other poor sons-of-bitches that are going to places like Topeka and Little Rock actually give you DIRTY looks. I swear. It’s awesome.

3) On vacay, you can have a pina colada for breakfast and not feel guilty. Or three. Or five.

4) Speaking of pina coladas, you get to walk around on vacay smelling like a damn fruity beverage thanks to sunscreens like Hawaiian Tropic. I’m not complaining… If I can drink AND smell like my favorite frosty treat, I’m one happy camper. Is it wrong to want to lick your arm after applying SPF 15?

5) You can read smutty magazines like USWeekly, InTouch and TeenBeat in public and it’s okay. You’re on vacation. There’s no crying in baseball and there’s no reading “War & Peace” on vacation.

6) Calories and carbs don’t count on vacay. (Okay, they do – but you pretend they don’t.) I like to compare it to when you’re trying to eat away a hangover with a Double Whopper and a Frosty. It’s a cure, so the calories doesn’t count. Same goes for eating coconut icecream every night when you’re on a vacay. Just do it.

7) You don’t have to wear a watch on vacay. You learn how to tell time simply by where the sun is perched in the sky, ie: tanning time.

8 ) You can wear flipflops every. single. day. This, my friends, is true paradise. A sock-less world is a world to be cherished.

9) And finally, if you’re lucky, you can get engaged on vacay. OMGOMG…Yes, my dear readers…Memos to Myself is now betrothed!!!! Mr. Memos proposed to me on our first day in paradise and we’ve been celebrating ever since. I’ve returned to my real life with a gigantic/beautiful rock on my finger and a permanent toothy grin, ecstatic that I’m the chosen one who gets to spend the rest of her life with the most perfect fish in the sea. There are no other fish out there, if you ask me. Truly, I’m the luckiest girl in the whole wide world, the entire blogosphere, and the Jennifer Aniston fan club.

Anyway, gotta run…it’s time to go stare at this shiny diamond on my left hand and smile. I do this at least five times a day, now that I’m engaged.

(Actual size of my engagement ring…almost.)

Aruba…Jamaica…Ewww I Wanna Take Ya to Hawaii

Well I really dropped the ball this week, didn’t I? My sincerest apologies to all of my regular readers who wondered where the hell I ran off to the last couple of days. My damn job got in the way of my blogging…damn job. Of course my dream is to quit the damn job and blog/write for a living…but in order to do that, ya’ll will have to keep passing my blog along to fellow readers, telling them it’s a “must read” that needs to be visited EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. (Hint Hint).

But that’s neither here nor there. The most important piece of information I need to share with you in this post is that yours truly is catching a flight to Hawaii tomorrow. Yes, the Aloha State is calling my name and I’m sure as hell listening. I’m leaving tomorrow and will be gone for a week, but if you’re lucky – I might just post while I’m there and let you know my current pina colada count (I estimate I will have consumed at least forty by Tuesday – if things go according to plan).

When I get back from vacay, I will be bronzed, beachilicious, and ready to blog my heart out every single day for the sake of entertaining the masses. I will be all yours – so prepare yourself.

If I had my way, I’d pack you all in my carry-on and bring you to Maui with me. But let’s be serious…that ain’t happening. So instead, I’ll write you all a postcard.

(That’s obviously me in 24 short hours…)